please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
