I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
