I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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