I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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