oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
