I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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