I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
