Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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