this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
