bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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