You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
