We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
