But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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