Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
