she was so not down for the gang bang
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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