After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
