Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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