When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
