I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
