Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
