You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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