this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
