guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
