There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
