You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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