he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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