my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it's not cheating when I paid for it
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
