you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
