I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
