Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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