The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
