I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
