lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
