How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
