I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
