he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
