I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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