shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
