The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
