giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
