i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
