So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
