I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
