Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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