hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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