I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
