TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
