I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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