what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
