I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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