he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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