All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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